Life as an artist

It's so strange to think that after college (I live in the UK btw.) I will not be able to do every piece of art for fun and from a place of passion but I will instead be forced to funnel my art into a brief and / or commission if I want a creative job... which I do.

My dream is to be an oil painter exclusively and just paint 24/7 but with that being said I am not sure why I do not spend every waking moment painting if that is the case. I haven't even been drawing everyday bro WHAT AM I DOINGGGGGGG BRO. I gyat to lock in astronomically if my dream is to understand the beauty of nature to such a degree that I am able to replicate the soul of anything I recreate through painting and drawing.

Like bouguereau.

Much to my dismay I am actually NOT bouguereau but that doesn't stop me from believing that I as can anyone, achieve the same level of greatness with enough practice and dedication. The difference between me and Bouguereau is that his whole LIFE was dedicated to painting. It says in his biography that he doesn't care if he has only eaten one slice of bread all day. He will still paint. He doesn't attend the social gatherings with other well accomplished artists of the time as he was souly dedicated to his craft which is admirable to say the least.

Whereas I will not paint or draw if i'm feeling a bit tired that day... like BROTHER are u seriousmaxxing rn. Also, due to technology I have SO many other things at my fingertips that I can do instead of drawing or painting that are much easier and far more addictive. But ultimately deter me from what I KNOW will make my life more fulfilling and something that I truly love to my core.

This is why I don't have social media except from youtube hehehe....

If Bougeurueau was bored he didn't have the option to just check his phone and cheekily scroll reels or sit down infront of the TV and shut off his brain completely. His only option was to paint. And honestly that reality seems like a luxury I WISH I had. BUT I DON'T so there is no point in wishing for that.

Like bro couldn't even listen to music on demand like how the majority of us do CONSTANTLY. His delayed gratification mind must have been absolutely PHENOMENAL his mind was probably more tranquil and enlightened that any one human alive today.

When you start to view yourself as a victim of your environment you're creating an impossible escape for yourself. Instead, I am aware that I am in control of my own actions and I can CHOOSE to not doomscroll. I am aware that whatever I chose to do at any given moment was my descicion and no one elses. NO MATTER WHAT.

I would like to continue improving my draughtsmanship skills considerably before I even think of picking up a flipping paintbrush as It is almost insulting to believe I am good enough at drawing to be painting yet lol. No amount of detail of paint or rendering will ever save your drawing skills, It will not magically fix your proportions LOLLLLLLLLL.

Why am I even writing this?

idk.

Anyway I am writing this directionly onto the neocitites coding thing so there is NO spellcheck....

GULP!